Alright, I know this next post could be a bit controversial. If your favorite writer is on it, my apologies in advance. Or not.
1. Dean Koontz. (Yikes, I can hear the virtual shoes flying now.)
I confess, I’ve never liked this guy. Yeah, yeah, bestseller. Stephen King lite. Shallow on content and characters. Not scary.
2. Suzanne Collins. Yes, I realize The Hunger Games isn’t necessarily considered horror for a number of reasons—I think my local bookstores put it more in the world of Young Adult/Sci-Fi lit—but I read it expecting to be both more impressed and more frightened and got neither. Whole series reads like a filled in screenplay. I sort of…hate books that were written exclusively to court film studios.
3. Stephenie Meyer. She should be higher on this list, but for some reason I’ve become irrationally impressed by her ability to hook a reader. Many readers. Five bazillion of them. People even became obsessed with not just Twilight knock offs, but goddamn knock offs of knock offs (readers of wannabe 50 Shades novels, I’m looking at you.) That being posted, I’ve really never understood the mass popularity of Twilight because, to me, the prose quality is bland. Utterly flavorless. Except for the occasional piece of snappy dialogue, 90% of Meyer’s writing falls flat for me.
4. Karl Edward Wagner. Every time I read a good writer’s Best Of horror writing list, it seems like Wagner pops up somewhere. A while ago, his short story, “Threads,” was so overhyped by some of my favorite scary fic writers as The Scariest Short Story of All Time that I finally tracked down a copy. ZZZZzzzz. I couldn’t even call the villains in that piece ‘lukewarm.’ Disappointed, I gave his work another shot and couldn’t even finish that piece. Which I don’t even remember the title of. Don’t get it. Pass.
(Uh, prepare your shoes…this next one may get me kicked out of the club for good.)
5. H.P. Lovecraft. I’ve tried and failed to ‘get into’ the infamous Call of Cthulhu crap no fewer than five times. No go. Nothing about a slimy, snakelike alien whateverthehell appeals to me as even interesting, let alone frightening. And while I like eldritch prose style, slow moving plots and intrigue, Lovecraft literally puts me to sleep. Some people like Moby Dick for help with insomnia. I like H.P. Lovecraft. Puts me right out.